An Idea That Turned My Thinking Upside Down
The other day, while doom scrolling, I came across an idea that was completely opposite to the way I’ve always thought about goals.
For years, I’ve bought into the idea that if you want to achieve something important, you should tell people about it. Announce it publicly. Make a commitment. Let people hold you accountable.
Then I stumbled across a video that argued the exact opposite.
Its claim was simple: if you actually want to achieve a goal, tell no one.
My mind was boggled.
The Dopamine Theory
The reasoning sounded scientific enough. According to the video, when you tell people about a goal, they respond positively. They congratulate you. They encourage you. They tell you how great it’s going to be when you succeed. That positive feedback supposedly causes a release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward.
The theory is that your brain gets a little taste of the satisfaction that should come from actually accomplishing the goal. In a sense, you collect part of the reward before you’ve done any of the work.
That all sounds very scientific, but I should be honest: after about fifteen minutes of Googling, I wasn’t able to find any strong, credible evidence that supports this exact claim. So take it with a grain of salt.
Still, science or not, most of us don’t need a research paper to understand the basic idea.
If you stand up and excitedly announce that you’re going to lose fifty pounds, write a novel, start a business, run a marathon, or remodel your bathroom, people are probably going to cheer you on. They’re going to tell you it’s a great idea. They’re going to tell you they believe in you.
And let’s be honest: that feels good.
What About Accountability?
I also found a YouTube video that explored the concept in more detail. It sounded extremely authoritative, so naturally it must be true.
That video suggested that real accountability might work differently. Instead of praise, maybe accountability requires someone who genuinely doubts you’ll succeed or who calls you out when you don’t follow through.
The problem is that kind of accountability can quickly become unhealthy. Constant criticism and verbal punishment aren’t exactly great for your mental health. Most of us don’t need another person standing over us saying, “See? I knew you’d quit.”
So if praise might undermine motivation and punishment might damage mental health, the videos arrive at the same conclusion:
- Stay quiet.
- Do the work.
- Then tell people afterward.
The idea is that you’ll get the reward from actual progress instead of from talking about progress. When you finally achieve the goal, you get the satisfaction of having accomplished something meaningful. You can still share your success, celebrate it, and enjoy the congratulations—but only after you’ve earned them.
In other words, action is fun.
A Hypothesis Worth Testing
Now, whether there’s science behind this specific theory or not, the first step of the scientific method is forming a hypothesis.
So let’s form one.
What if some of us aren’t achieving our goals because we’re talking about them prematurely?
What if we could achieve more by talking less?
Everyone is different. A strategy that works brilliantly for one person might fail completely for another. So how would we test this idea in our own lives?
Learn Before You Announce
Start by figuring out what it would actually take to achieve the goal.
You may need to talk to people at this stage, which sounds like a contradiction, but stick with me.
If you want to lose weight and you don’t know where to begin, talk to your doctor. They might refer you to a dietitian. They might discuss medication options. In extreme cases, they might even discuss surgery.
If you want to remodel your bathroom, start getting quotes from contractors. If you’re a do-it-yourself type, start learning the skills you’ll need. Practice plumbing on something low-risk. Learn some basic electrical work. Set tile on a scrap piece of plywood before committing to your entire bathroom floor.
Gather information.
Learn skills.
Ask questions.
Get help.
Just don’t confuse that with announcing your intentions to the world.
Whatever you do, don’t call up all your friends just to tell them you’re about to accomplish something amazing.
Your friends are the enemies of your goal.
Well, not really.
They’re only the enemies if you’re inviting them to applaud an accomplishment that hasn’t happened yet.
If they know what they’re doing and you’re asking them to help, then they’re actually the friends of your goal.
That’s an important distinction.
The key isn’t silence for the sake of silence. The key is avoiding the temptation to collect rewards before you’ve done the work.
Don’t seek validation.
Seek progress.
Figure out how to move forward. If you need help, ask for help. If you need knowledge, seek knowledge. If you need support, build support.
Then take action.
When you’ve actually accomplished something, that’s the time to say, “Look what I did.”
The Difference Between Help and Validation
So how do you decide whether to figure it out yourself or ask for help?
The answer starts with understanding yourself.
Some people are excellent self-teachers. Some are naturally self-motivated. Some can pick a goal, create a plan, and start executing immediately.
Many of us can’t.
Psychologists often talk about executive function—the mental processes that help us plan, organize, initiate tasks, and follow through on them.
When executive function comes easily, we tend to see ourselves as disciplined and capable.
When it doesn’t, we often see ourselves as lazy, broken, or lacking willpower.
But that’s not necessarily true.
Sometimes we simply work better with support.
Sometimes we need structure.
Sometimes we need teammates.
As the timeless wisdom of The Lego Movie reminds us, “Everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you’re part of a team.”
Build a Team, Not an Audience
There are people who genuinely love remodeling bathrooms. Ask them for help and offer a few beers to sweeten the deal.
There are people who love going to the gym. If your goal is to exercise more, meet them there. Work out together. Grab a healthy meal afterward.
If your goal is to start a business, there are people who love building businesses. Find them. Learn from them. Invite them onto your team.
Even if you’re exceptionally good at going it alone, life is hard. Most things become easier when we have help.
Building a team isn’t weakness.
It’s strategy.
Celebrate After the Work Is Done
And when the goal is finally achieved, think about how much better the celebration will feel.
Whether it’s in school, sports, business, or life, shared achievement often feels richer than solitary achievement.
You’ll still get the congratulations.
You’ll still get the dopamine.
You’ll still get to enjoy the applause.
The difference is that you’ll know it came from something real.
So maybe the lesson isn’t “never tell anyone your goals.”
Maybe the lesson is this:
- Don’t announce your intentions to collect praise.
- Talk to people who can help you succeed.
- Build a team.
- Do the work.
- Then celebrate together.
Join My Team
I want you to be on my team.
Tell me what you think in the comments. Have you found that talking about your goals helps you achieve them, or does it make you less likely to follow through?
And if you appreciate my writing, subscribe to my email newsletter and share it with your friends.
Just don’t tell anyone until you’ve done it.
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