A friend and I were talking the other day about how travel is often at its best when it’s a shared experience.
The conversation drifted in that direction after he told me how he and a friend, both blind, had enjoyed independently navigating hiking trails and music festivals using technology and their own senses of direction. I shared how a friend and I, who are also both blind, had enjoyed exploring Stillwater, Minnesota, a place neither of us knew well, using the same combination of technology, curiosity, and our own orientation skills.
During that conversation, I mentioned that I feel much more confident—even adventurous—when traveling with another blind person than I do when traveling alone. When I’m by myself, I’m still capable, but I notice I’m more cautious and more mentally tired.
My friend suggested that perhaps it’s because the cognitive load is shared. When two people are solving the same navigation problem together, each person carries only part of the burden.
I think he’s right.
But I also think that’s only half the answer.
Why I Love Meetings
As a recovering software engineer and the CEO of a young nonprofit, I’ve attended more meetings than I can count. Most people complain about meetings. I rarely did.
In fact, meetings were often the most enjoyable and productive part of my day.
When I worked at IBM, we built software for customers with very deep pockets. The saying, “The customer is always right,” wasn’t just a cliché. If a major customer threatened to switch to a competitor, suddenly a feature that had been scheduled for two years from now became next month’s top priority.
Those were some of my favorite days.
We’d gather the entire team in a conference room or on a conference call and start brainstorming. One person’s idea would spark another. Someone would point out a problem. Someone else would suggest a workaround. Before long, we’d have a solution that none of us would likely have developed alone.
When the meeting ended, we didn’t just have a better product. We also left with feelings of camaraderie, accomplishment, pride, and optimism.
The solution mattered.
Working together mattered just as much.
More Than Just Getting the Job Done
The same thing happens with home improvement projects.
Building a deck is certainly possible alone. You may occasionally need another pair of hands, but most of the work can be done by one person.
It’ll probably take longer.
You’ll probably make more mistakes.
And I don’t think you’ll enjoy it nearly as much.
Moving is another great example.
Many people hate moving. Some even groan when a friend asks for help.
I’m one of those strange people who eagerly volunteers.
Why?
Because helping someone move gives me the same feeling as solving a difficult software problem or building something with friends. The work is physically demanding, but with an enthusiastic group it usually takes less than a day. By the end, the furniture is in place, the kitchen is functional, and someone has a home instead of a house full of boxes.
When everyone heads home, there’s a shared sense of accomplishment. Together, we made someone’s life better.
That’s a good feeling.
We Were Built for This
History is full of examples.
Team sports.
Barn raisings.
Quilting bees.
Neighborhood cleanups.
Volunteer organizations.
Bands.
Choirs.
Community theater.
These activities don’t just produce houses, quilts, parks, or performances.
They produce relationships.
Working together helps us solve harder problems, reduce stress, save money, learn from one another, and build friendships that often last for years.
Maybe that’s why I enjoy teamwork so much.
The task gives us a reason to spend time together.
The relationships are the real reward.
Why Are We Doing More Things Alone?
Earlier today I read an NPR article discussing how solo living, solo travel, solo dining, and remaining single are becoming increasingly common.
I understand why.
Living alone means you don’t have to compromise.
Traveling alone means you can keep your own schedule.
Eating alone means nobody interrupts your meal.
Being single means nobody breaks your heart.
Those are real advantages.
But I wonder if we’re paying a price that’s much larger than we realize.
Traveling with others is often more enjoyable, and for many people it’s more affordable.
Living alone provides independence, especially for introverts like me who need quiet time, but it’s also expensive and can be lonely. Living with roommates who become friends doesn’t just reduce expenses. It creates opportunities for everyday conversations, shared meals, and mutual support.
And solo dining?
I’ve never quite understood the appeal.
If I’m going to eat by myself, I’d rather eat at home. Sitting alone in a noisy restaurant while everyone around me is laughing and talking with someone else doesn’t make me feel more connected. If anything, it reminds me that I’m alone.
Maybe We’ve Become Too Good at Protecting Ourselves
So why are so many people choosing to do more and more of life alone?
I suspect part of the answer is self-protection.
If nobody gets close enough, nobody can hurt us.
I understand that. I’ve been hurt too.
Sometimes, though, I wonder whether we’re also protecting ourselves from the very experiences that make life richer.
Relationships require compromise.
Friendships require effort.
Living with other people means adapting to habits that aren’t your own.
Sometimes people disappoint us.
Sometimes they annoy us.
Sometimes they leave.
But they also encourage us, challenge us, celebrate with us, comfort us, and make us laugh.
They help carry the load.
Maybe that’s what my friend and I were really talking about.
The reduced cognitive load of navigating together wasn’t just about dividing the work.
It was about knowing someone else was carrying part of it with you.
I don’t think we were designed to carry everything alone.
It’s good for us to have friends.
It’s good for us to have healthy romantic relationships.
It’s good for us to ask for help.
It’s good for us to give help.
It’s good for us to adapt to one another.
It’s good for us to share experiences, celebrate victories, grieve losses, and occasionally get in each other’s way.
Not because we can’t survive alone.
Because we thrive together.
What Do You Think?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
- What activities do you most enjoy doing alone?
- What activities are simply better with other people?
- Would you rather be single or in a romantic relationship?
- Would you rather have close friends or simply acquaintances?
- Are there healthier ways to protect ourselves than withdrawing from one another?
Share your thoughts in the comments. If you subscribe to my email newsletter, you can comment simply by replying to the email.
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